The New Year always comes with an irrepressible urge to make that essential list of resolutions even if it is like writing your own doom, as resolutions never do get fulfilled. This list, which we hope to see some high profile figures writing, is just as Eutopian. Instep daydreams…
By Aamna Haider Isani
“We will stop blowing our own trumpet and learn to take criticism.”
Karachi and Lahore have both come to stand equal on at least one account: they both have one designer each that is trying to outdo the other in terms of branding, marketing and blowing his own trumpet on television. Without taking any names, the two we refer to did put out rather decent collections last year (as well as doing the customary rounds of the social pages) but their continuous blow of hot air was a little immodest and distasteful. However their bid to outdo each other on off-shore shows was fascinating. Here in Pakistan, we caught them for better part of the year on television and fashion glossies as they went on and on about their endless achievements in Malaysia, Dhaka, Dubai, Riyadh, Czechoslovakia, Kazakhstan, Namibia, etc. Coming soon…they will be planting their monogrammed flags on an iceberg in the Antarctica!
The bragging was followed by endless whining: they whined about not being nominated at the Lux Style Awards, about not being nominated for enough categories, for not being praised to the skies, by being critiqued by journalists too young and naïve … the list is as endless as their list of fashion shows held all across the world.
“I will wake up to the twenty first century of cinema and will bury my burly moustache.”
We loved Shaan in Khuda Kay Liye as much as we loved him in ‘Khamaaj’ as well as the splendid patriotic music videos he has directed for Mobilink. That’s the Shaan we have grown to appreciate over the years and we do seriously think he has the power to influence popular Pakistani cinema (which still translates to the gandasa culture) towards change. Shaan’s next film (working title: Love at 0300) will hopefully bring
about that change and the talented actor will stop playing Dr Jekyll Mr Hyde by playing the thought provoking sensitive male one minute and the overweight village bully the next.
And while we’re at it, can we please add that Shaan should also wake up to technology and realize the convenience of sending promotional CDs of his next film instead of hard copies as big as table mats (that Instep received from his Production house during the promotion of his last film Zilay Shah). Technology, Shaan, will make your life easier as well as ours!
Most of Pakistan’s new fashion models
“I will exercise and not depend on diuretics and starvation to lose weight and look young.”
At the risk of invoking the wrath of the industry by adding “and stop modeling when we hit 35”, we do hope Pakistan’s fashion models write out this resolution and paste it on the door of their medicine cabinets (as they rarely visit their refrigerators). We have seen one show too many with models that are over-age and under nourished. Skin and bones do not make for good skin tone whereas youth and a healthy lifestyle does. And it is the healthy glow and flawless skin that one desires to see…fashion photographers would surely agree. Joining a gym would be a good idea. We’ve seen girls with terrible skin stepping into advertisements for skin products. But then in print Photoshop always works its wonders and the click of a mouse is always more powerful than the brush of a styling wand, even if that wand is in the hands of the most competent stylist.
And while the models are at it (writing resolutions), can all of those who are either ‘mature’ or married please stop posing as blushing brides?
“I will promote my album and not hope that my name alone will sell it.”
Ali Azmat is the epitome of a rock star in Pakistan; he has the attitude and he just doesn’t care what anyone thinks. Ali has been seen turning up in a woollen cap and tattered jeans at black tie events and he has also had the audacity to repeatedly state on TV that he would willingly do anything (make a guest appearance, host an awards show etc) if the money is worth it. So there are no great pretensions about his love for the industry – but at least Ali is no hypocrite. But he’s also not very sensible when it comes to branding his identity and marketing his product
which is in fact very good. The rock star’s current album suffered a whiplash as Mr Ali Azmat was just too cool and confident to bother promoting it. Where most musicians hold press conferences and organize tours to spread the word and build the hype, Ali left the country when it was time for his album’s release.
“I will not inflict more torture on the people of Pakistan as they are going through enough already!”
2008 was a year that may have brought democracy to Pakistan but slowly and gradually it stripped the country of other bare necessities like food supplies, wheat, electricity, gas (Lahore witnessed an unprecedented dose of gas load shedding) and even petrol towards the end. Now in times like these, all one could rely on for entertainment was a good old reliable radio. But it appeared that to many people, the punishment of silent solitude was preferable to the punishment they would be meted out on radio: having to bear endless hours of RJ and now the proud owner of one album Dino, raving on and on about his vocal skills and subjecting his listeners to hours and hours of his music. We hope that this year Dino will realize that music is not his cup of tea and he will vow to have mercy on the people of Pakistan who go looking for some relief on the radio. And while he’s at it, maybe he should reconsider his new look. He most certainly isn’t a star but if he’s going to plaster himself everywhere then we’d prefer him to have at least some semblance of style and begin by stop trying to look like a Justin Timberlake clone.
“I will purchase a new wardrobe and never, ever wear that black and red kurti again.”
We know that economic recession has hit the world badly but honestly, we do think that Salman Ahmed can afford to add at least a couple more shirts to his very limited wardrobe. The objectionable item of clothing, of course, is the black and red embroidered kurti-jacket that Salman has been wearing time immemorial. He first wore it in the video of ‘Ghoom Tana’ and then at his concert in Kashmir. In between, one saw Salman wear it at several occasions, interviews included. Salman must promise that he will put it away and while he’s at it, burn the red Nepali
cap too! We get the hint Salman, you are a Sufi rocker hence the whole ethnic/rock garb…just don’t push it so much. Seems like you’re trying way too hard!